For the fear of being judged.

Maisie is 8 months old and a feeling starts to overcome me. I should be going back to work right?

Have you thought about what you're going to do?

What are you going to do when both kids are in daycare next year?

Have you looked around for jobs yet?

What are you going to do with all your spare time? That's a fun one #sarcasm

I feel like I'm back in the quadrangle at school being peer pressured by other girls to do things that I'm not ready for...I'm not ready to go back to work and for once in my life, I don't have to. Hear me out.

I have worked since 16. I started working 2 jobs at 17. I studied and worked 2 jobs at 18. I started a business at 23 and kept it going successfully for 12 years. I wouldn't say I'm an overachiever at all but when opportunities present themselves I grab them with both hands. I have worked hard most of my life and got myself out of crazy debt twice thanks to working bloody hard and a supportive family/friendship network cheering me on.

The opportunity that presents itself to me now is to be a Mum, to complete projects and renovate our home and do some study. I have no "back-to-work" date I'm working towards, I have a vague timeline in my head and will be open to new opportunities. My focus is on my family and taking things a little slower. I know that I am incredibly fortunate and for this, I am so grateful every day.

I have conversations with Dean regularly to make sure that my decision is ok. To reassure me that it is ok to choose such a thing. Years of stressing about money, living week to week and working bloody hard have actually taken their toll on me and at times I feel like nurturing our children is not enough. Crazy right?

I have the best life looking after them, watching them grow, playing with them, cooking with them, having adventures with them and being there to hold them when they are sad. So in a way, I already do have a very important job. I keep my kids alive on a daily basis and that can be tough.

Both Women and Men get judged for choosing to have or not to have children, for choosing to go back to work too soon, and for not going back to work soon enough. We can't win. So I'm just going to be over here owning my decision and continue to be open-minded to others.

I fear I will be judged for many things in this life but I am ok with being judged for this.

So for now I choose me and I'm finally cool with that.