Hello friends.
I've been writing a lot for myself lately. I've not been sharing or posting because the writing that I have been doing has been for my own healing.
I had some mental hurdles to jump in the latter part of last year and had to really look inward and work on myself for a bit before I was ready to write for an audience again.
I have been working my way slowly through experiences I've had from my childhood to now that were traumatic to me. Memories and experiences that I had never dealt with but were beginning to be triggered causing me grief almost every day. I felt like I was stuck in a time loop.
After a particularly terrible day, I knew that I had to get brave and ask for help. Through tears, I sat in my doctor's office telling her what I was feeling. I felt embarrassed, anxious, and deeply sad. I knew it was the step forward I needed but it was scary!
I was going to have to talk about things that I had never talked about and talk about deeply uncomfortable things to understand my thought process and self-worth. Once it all began and the fog began to lift I realised that this was not something to be embarrassed about and then I felt a tiny bit proud.
Then I went into deep thinking territory. I thought about all the people that were currently walking the same path with struggles of their own. I thought about all the people who hadn't or wouldn't receive the help they needed for their own reasons. I thought about generations of people who didn't have the knowledge or means to get the help they needed to make their life and thoughts a little lighter. And then I began to share my story with a couple of my inner circle. After a conversation with a few friends recently I noticed that we all sought help simultaneously and also none of us spoke about it until now. So for 6-7 months, we were silent. We were in the thick of our troubles and didn't talk to one another about it. It is a deeply personal experience that should only be shared when you're ready. There is no pressure to tell anyone. I guess this is actually the reason I am writing this. To let you know that you aren't alone and although I will probably never share my human experiences in detail on this platform I felt that this was definitely something that needs to be talked about.
I've been journalling often, keeping things between me and my journal. It's a beautiful journal and has embraced all I've thrown at it. I'm happy to say that although things are not 100% (and may never be) I am most definitely in repair and am ready to write till my fingers bleed. Love & Light xo
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